What Is And What Could Never Be
by Sam Cuddles
Summary: Even if she left them at the prison, raised her gun to a friend that kept her alive when they have left her behind, she didn't deserve to die. Not when he is left with what could have been and living with what would never be. Post 3x16


**I have been in pain ever since the season finale. I loved Andrea so much and it broke my heart that she was killed off and made Michonne cry(;_;) but most of all I am heartbroken because the hope of seeing Daryl and Andrea come together on TV is gone but we will always have fanfictions. **

**Spoilers: 3x16 in all of it`s glorified sucking.**

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_Time, sometimes the time just slips away_  
_And your left with yesterday_  
_Left with the memories_  
_I, I'll always think of you and smile_  
_And be happy for the time_  
_I had you with me_

The journey back to the prison was long. The recent events weighed heavily on everyone`s mind and heart. The Atlanta group members were gone one by one. Ed, Jim, Amy, Sophia, Dale, Shane, Lori, T-Dog, Jacqui, even the Morales.. no one knew if they ever survived after leaving the camp, if they ever made it to their family. Have they fallen victims to the roaming walkers? Were they bit? Did they scream? Have they changed? or have they made it ok, were in a safe warm home with plenty of food to eat? He hoped so.

He rested his crossbow on his shoulder, taking a deep breath before releasing it shakily, Merle silent in his head, has been since he laid eyes on his reborn brother that day. Reborn as their worst nightmare, a goddamn walker, hungry for human flesh. The moment that walker-Merle lifted his dead eyes to his, chin dripping with blood, flesh hanging on his now rotten teeth, he had flashed back to a day that seemed years away, watching as Amy closed her eyes as a human and opened them minutes later as a walker. Was that how Andrea felt back then? watching her only link to her old normal life go like that, be the one to put a bullet in her sister... or what used to be her sister. No wonder she did not want to live afterwards.

God knows he thought of joining Merle after he killed him, take out the gun he despised holding, say a prayer of forgiveness before squeezing the unforgiving merciless trigger, letting the bullet go through his brain, dropping next to his brother`s bloody corpse. No one would be the wiser. A rescue gone wrong, after all was it not a suicide mission, going into the enemy`s lair with absolutely no back up, knowing without a doubt that it was too late.

But no one gets left behind not after last time. Especially his brother.

He buried it down, pain and rage confined in a cage rattling inside his tight chest, the thought of losing his brother like that left a burning in his stomach and a stinging in his eyes. Days have passed and he felt numb, emotionless and was slowly getting back to normal, or what normal was in the crazy abnormal world they now lived in until his efforts were mocked at and the earth gave from underneath him.

Andrea had died too.

Andrea... hot-shot lawyer Andrea. Best sharpshooter..for a girl at least. Goldilocks Andrea. Andrea that helped him look for a little girl, look for hope in the woods. Andrea that almost killed him back when her aim was shit, who gave him a book. Andrea that got lost in the woods like Sophia, the one they have left behind, the one he wanted to go back for but didn't Maybe if he had, if he had insisted harder, hell took off on his own and went back to that smart-mouthed bitch that looked down on him and his brother when they joined their camp, if he had maybe he would have found her, brought her back and she wouldn't have gone to Woodbury or met The Governor and none of this shit would have happened.

So many what-ifs and what could have been but he had what happened and what is.

Andrea was gone, dead, no longer breathing. There was no going around it or changing it. She had taken the gun, looked at them; eyes lingering on his and fuck her for having to play the hero, the peacemaker between two men hell bent on war, to kill or be killed and in the end she fell victim to the false hope of coming together, of fighting together and surviving together. If he was honest those were good things to die for, to die hoping to see happen, a hope of surviving in what left of the world but not her. Even if she left them at the prison, raised her gun to a friend that kept her alive when they have left her behind, she didn't deserve to die. Not when he is left with what could have been and living with what would never be.

_Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say_  
_And it's sad to walk away_  
_With just the memories_  
_Who's to know what might have been_  
_We'll leave behind a life and time_  
_We'll never know again_

57 seconds. That`s how many seconds he waited, stomach coiling, heart beating so fast as it clenched something fierce. 57 seconds have passed from the moment Rick guided him out of the room, closing the door and waiting. He counted, needing a distraction, seeing how Rick stood between him and the door, a barrier from going in there and doing something, anything to save her, knowing there was nothing to be done but put her out of her misery before she became what she hated and he could not shoulder the guilt.. but he knew, stubborn through and through, she would gladly eat the killing bullet herself. That was Andrea..

56 seconds, a heartbeat out of rhythm, lashes flutter, a second ticked by...57 before it echoed, deafening. The shot rang in the silent pensive hallway followed by the sound of clattering gun.

He had bit his curled fist, biting on the urge to scream, let the anguished sound of pain, pain for his brother, for Sophia, for Dale and for Andrea bubble through his scratchy throat.

Another 153 seconds, Michonne came through the door and he had never seen the tough warrior so devastated not even when she knew of the plans to hand her over to that one-eyed scum. He supposed, eight months fighting with someone, day-in and day-out to survive would create such a bond between these two women.

Rick had told them it was time to go back to the prison, gather the survivors of Woodbury and take them in, as they`re innocent of The Governor `s wrong doings.

_"We have nothing here. Lets go" he had said._

_"We bury our own" he had told him._

He had scooped the lifeless body, laughing at how had she been alive, she would demand he put her down, that she could take care of herself. She weighed far less than any dear he might have hunted in the wild, her body lifeless but warm, head hanging limply back, blond locks matted with dried blood were turning crimson red as her newly acquired bullet hole oozed freely on her hair, even trickled down her neck, painting her skin red, caressing the bite wound on her neck. How he had wanted to shake her limp form, berate her for allowing herself to get bit, allow a walker come this close to her but he didn't. He didn't know what had happened, how she was overpower by a newborn like that, only one who knew what had happened, the secret to her downfall and that was Andrea herself.

And Andrea was dead.

He carried her through the streets of Woodbury, hardly paying attention to the people gathering their things to go to the promised lands, where safety was found behind bars and in cells.

Now he stood, leaning against a fence, watching as Rick and the rest piled away from the fresh grave with a crocked wooden cross, Carol casting him a glance before joining the others, knowing he needed the time alone.

To say goodbye.

He ignored the hungry groans and the shuffling of what`s left of the walkers, couldn't be more than a dozen or two now after The Governor`s recent and latest attack, and whatever few odd numbers of walkers aimlessly wandering in the locked area of the prison. He was used to these sounds by now, if he still heard them, he was still alive and he was still fighting.

He just wished he never got to hear them from his brother, see him tear through human flesh, trying to satisfy its hunger. He thanked whoever higher power that exists now that he never got to hear her make them. Merle had his choice taken out of his hands and she took her fate in hers.

She had always hated it when people made decisions for her. People trying to take her away from her dead sister, Dale forcing her hand into leaving the CDC building seconds away from exploding, Rick trying to guilt her back into the fold.

Her grave was next to his brother. Just like he carried her back, he carried the one of his changed brother. Because they always bury their own. He sat between the two graves, his cross bow at his feet before taking his knife. Just like he done days ago, he took the cross out of the earth, tracing the smooth wood before he curved on it, biting his lip in concentration.

He could remember a time where they sat around the campfire during their stay at the farm, the night before the fire, before they got separated and left her behind. The Grimes cuddling together; Carl with his head in his mother lap, Shane looking upon them envious of their closeness, Carol once again at her little girl grave, T-dog and Glenn keeping watch while Dale slept in the RV.

He had gone down from his exile, getting his plate of food and ready to head out to his own tent, a few feet off the camp he heard footsteps catching up before she fell into a step next to him, her plate in her hand, that stupid looking straw hat on her head, her bag threatening to topple her over.

_"Something you want?" he carried on, ignoring her presence, probably putting her off from trying her hand in friendship with him. She had made it perfectly clear where she stood with him by stepping from Shane`s car looking guilty while the latter looked smug._

_"Lots of things. A hot relaxing bath, a manicure, a juicy steak"_

_"We got 1 minute each for a quick hot shower, a nail clipper and burnt squirrel meat. I`d say you`re lucky."_

_He went inside his tent, sitting on his sleeping bag. He saw her hesitate before she followed inside, dumping her bag in one corner, sitting next to him while leaving enough space so not to crowd him._

_"Why you here?"_

_"No one makes it alone"_

And she hadn't They left her back at the farm and left her again at the prison when they allowed one of their family to walk to her death.

He brushed the wood, tracing her name before sticking the crocked wooden cross where it was in the ground. He stood up, brushing his pants before picking up his crossbow. He glanced at his brother`s grave, 'Merle' on a similar cross before he took one last glance at her final resting place.

"I should have gone back for you!"

_I stood by you, you stood by me_  
_We took each day and made it shine_  
_We wrote our names across the sky_  
_We ride so fast, we ride so free_  
_And I had you and you had me_

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#RIPAndrea #NotEvenDeathCanSeparateUs #AdarylLivesOn


End file.
